i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
