the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
