i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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