we have pet lesbian snakes
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It's blow job season.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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