Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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