is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
