this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
