So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
