guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
