Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
