So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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