How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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