just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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