I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
