last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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