he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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