Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
