all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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