Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
