Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
