tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i think i just lost a toe
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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