Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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