who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
