So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
