The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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