K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
