Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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