Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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