he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
