from now on my penis is your penis
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
