Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
