you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
