woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
