Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
