Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
