You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
