when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Randomize
