All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
