I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
