she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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