I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
where are you?
Hypothermia
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
