So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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