Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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