I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
