as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i want to swaddle you in tequila
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
