Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
