Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
