i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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