Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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