they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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