After last night, I could never be a politician.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
