omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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