she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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