she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
