So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
