ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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