I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
