i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
